Be prepared for the death of six and a half billion people.

“Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature.”

It was past midnight and I my GPS suddenly lost signal.  I was somewhere on the outskirts of Atlanta.  I saw no city signs, just a long empty highway.

The two lane road got smaller and smaller, and it began to rain.  I pondered postponing my trip to Elberton, GA to visit some clients.  A simple email apology would suffice and I could make my way back to Miami.

An hour earlier, I had gotten another speeding ticket.  Another in a trail of much maligned reckless pedal pushing.  My ticket notified me that I was in South Carolina.  A “Georgia is on Your Mind” sign had brought me into the Peach State.  Augusta had to be near. 

Human society hit me again.  A Wal-mart was on my right side, and a main road penetrated a small city.

This was Elberton.

Elberton is the “Granite Capital of the United States,” but very little granite is quarried in our fine country anymore, and only for grave headstones.  I lost any hope for a nice hotel and drove into an Econolodge, the first hotel I had seen in hours.

It was locked, I stood with my briefcase and gym bag.  Sleep was slowly falling upon me.  I leaned up against the glass door and drifted away for a moment, almost content to sleep in a doorway of a shitty hotel.

A tiny Indian man, not much taller, and bearing a striking resemblance to the Oompa Loompa in Johnny Depp’s destruction of Willy Wonka, pressed a loud buzzer releasing the door’s lock.  I had been leaning on the door and almost fell to the floor in front of him.

Recovering, I greeted him with a bright smile and requested a room.  A large sign behind him read “Granite City.”

He wanted to charge me $129 for the night.  It was a 2-Star Econolodge.

I wondered where the nearest hotel would be.

“You can do much better than that.”  I sternly remarked.

His nametag said, Shalai.

He began to book the room without telling me my rate.  I asked him about the granite quarries in town, mostly to make small talk.

“Yes sir, we are the biggest granite town in America.  Over 200 quarries!”

I tell him I’m in the granite business, that I import granite from Brazil, and that no one quarries in the United States very much for kitchen slabs, only tombstones.

A brochure is sitting on the counter with a strange stone monument on the cover.  I had seen it before.

“Where is this?” I asked.

“About fifteen miles away, just take Elberton Rd left out of the hotel, take a right at the Walgreens and go straight for eleven miles.”

“I’ve seen this before,” I remarked trying to catch his gray dead eyes.

“It’s the Georgia Guidestones sir, a very important monument.”

A conspiracy nut friend of mine from Hawaii had made me watch an Alex Jones documentary that did a small segment of the Guidestones.

I asked Shalai who had built it and why.

“Mr. RC Christian built the stones sir.  But if you promise not to ever tell anyone, I will let you know the secret.”

I was skeptical.

“The person who built it is Tanner.

I had no idea who he was talking about, the Playstation game “Driver”s protagonist?

“The owner of CNN.”

“Ted Turner!” I blurted out.

“Yes sir, Mr. Ted Tanner.”

Grabbing my key, I rushed out the door, he had charged me $99 for the room.  His information was worth him overcharging me, it was nearly 1 a.m. and I needed to see these Guidstones. 

I hoped to catch a satanic ritual in the act.  I jumped into my rented Ford Fusion and hit Elberton Rd. towards the Walgreens.

To my right was a Walmart and a little farther down the road was a quaint main street that proclaimed Elberton the Granite City.  Nobody had informed them that over the last four years, Miami has become the Granite City, but little towns need their silly slogans.

As I turned right at the Walgreens, civilization quickly disappeared.  The road shortened to two lanes again and it began to thunderstorm.  My GPS still had no signal.

Two miles down the road, a large deer jumped out in front of my car.  The reflection in the eyes and my need to suddenly break startled me.  His satanic eyes stared into my soul.  He appeared to walk away, but as soon as I begin to accelerate it crossed back over my path and stood in my way.  This animal appeared to be purposely blocking me.  I veered into the oncoming lane and made another attempt to pass.  The deer walked again to block me, but I quickly swung my car back to the right and left the large guardian animal in the dust.

My heart was racing, I had killed a deer once with my vehicle and I didn’t want to relive that moment in the middle of nowhere in Georgia with a rental car that I was driving because a truck had smashed the side of my BMW.

I kept driving, but where were these fucking stones?

My GPS wasn’t working and it felt like I was approaching twenty miles out of town.  An abandoned gas station was on the right, I decided to turn into the parking lot to regain my bearings.  It was well past 1 a.m. I was driving all day, Dark Side of the Moon was blasting through my car, it was thunderstorming, and a deer had just attempted to murder me.

How could it get worse?

As soon as I pulled into the abandoned gas station, a man was sitting there in the parking lot alone, when suddenly a women who was obviously performing some decent oral on him popped up and pointed right at me.

His engine started and he frantically pulled out of the parking lot.

The last thing I wanted was to ruin anybody’s good time.

This whole area was giving me the creeps.  I figured I’d go down a few more miles and turn around.  Their probably wasn’t any satanic shit going on anyway.

Less than a mile down the road, I saw the Guidestones on my right side.  I had made it.

As I began to slow, I noticed a car at the side-road entrance to the Guidestones.  It was a Georgia State Trooper.  He saw me slow down and turned his lights on.  He was still in front of me.  I pulled my car up next to his and rolled down my passenger window.  Eclipse off of Dark Side of the Moon was playing loudly in the rental car.

“I want to see the stones.”  I said as I pointed in the general direction of the stones.

He was a middle aged guy with a mustache, which could effectively describe seventy-five percent of Georgia State Troopers.

“Not allowed to look at night.”

I lied and told him I was a journalist studying ancient Pagan rituals, and I needed to see where the stones are placed at night.

He asked me if I had any spray paint in my car.

Apparently he was there to make sure nobody defaced the monument.  Kind of a weird way to spend Georgia Taxpayer money. 

I had already been cited for a $250 ticket less than four hours earlier and my loud playing of Dark Side of the Moon had made the trooper suspect that I was high so I drove off, pulled a U-Turn and went back to my hotel.

I hit the bed and cracked open my laptop.  Instead of pornography, I did some late night research.

Part 2.

Why Did I Want to See Some Silly Stones?

Carved into the large stones, in eight different languages, allegedly is the ten commandments and goals for the Illuminati.  The following is written:

  1. Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature.

  2. Guide reproduction wisely - improving fitness and diversity.

  3. Unite humanity with a living new language.

  4. Rule passion - faith - tradition - and all things with tempered reason.

  5. Protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts.

  6. Let all nations rule internally resolving external disputes in a world court.

  7. Avoid petty laws and useless officials.

  8. Balance personal rights with social duties.

  9. Prize truth - beauty - love - seeking harmony with the infinite.

10. Be not a cancer on the earth - Leave room for nature - Leave room for nature.

At first glance, these all seem like pretty good things.

Everyone’s favorite Beatle, Yoko Ono had the following to say,

““I want people to know about the stones … We’re headed toward a world where we might blow ourselves up and maybe the globe will not exist … it’s a nice time to reaffirm ourselves, knowing all the beautiful things that are in this country and the Georgia Stones symbolize that.”

Yoko Ono supports it.  Okay, now I’m scared.

The world eclipsed seven billion people last week.  As much as we talk about oil, and fresh water, and Mayan calendars ending, overpopulation will be our downfall. 

Apparently a group of wealthy people thirty-one years ago understood that problem.  They understood it enough to make it the first issue on some new 10 commandments they placed out in the wilderness of Georgia.

Overpopulation.

A noble cause.

But who has been a champion of overpopulation?  Maybe someone with clear ties to Georgia?

Mr. Turner himself.

“We’re too many people; that’s why we have global warming,”

“Too many people are using too much stuff.”

“On a voluntary basis, everybody in the world’s got to pledge to themselves that one or two children is it,” (Ted Turner on Charlie Rose in 2008)

In a 1996 magazine interview, Ted Turner stated the following:

“A total population of 250-300 million people, a 95% decline from present levels, would be ideal.”

We’re all screwed.  This feels like some Lex Luthor maniacal plan unraveling if you ask me.  The man used to own the Atlanta Braves!

In September of 1997, Turner pledged 1 billion dollars to UN programs.  I’m sure somebody sold him on some population control measures in there. 

Ted Turner has always been someone I have a deep respect for.

Are his views correct?

Are we kidding ourselves?

 My favorite book in the universe starts with the phrase,

“Don’t Panic.”

But take a look at this chart.

It’s very hard for me to see the human race as a cancer, spreading throughout the world uncontrollably.  Are our own sexual urges plunging us further and further down a road of unsustainable excess and living conditions? 

Will it be living in constant fear that forces us into living in monitored boxes where we are made to be sterile and are only allowed to consume a certain amount of food?

Has it already begun to happen?

Who has the correct answers to these questions, and will it be the person who has no personal vested interest or greed that he will enslave us?

Is Ted Turner that person?

And how the hell did he train the deer to stop me from getting there?

These questions eventually will need to be answered.

Part 3

Everybody Must Get Stoned.

The next morning, I woke up early and visited my clients.  I smiled and shook hands.  We all made small talk about the Atlanta Falcons.

Every single client was asked about The Guidestones.  All of them would laugh and tell me how weird it was.  Nobody would confirm or deny anything about Ted Turner.  Most claimed it was a tourist trap, and that I had fallen right into R.C. Christian’s plan.

On my way out of town, I finally stopped and saw the monolith up close, in the flesh.  An elderly couple were posing and taking pictures with it.  I slowly approached and said hello.

They lived and worked in Elberton, but moved to Ft. Worth, Texas, it struck me odd that they visited the Guidestones, “once a year or so.”

They had been there when it was built.

I was taken aback.  I told them I’m scared what these stones represent.

I explained I’m not sure how I can get behind a One World Government, because it’ll no doubt represent a loss to my current freedoms. 

The woman smiled and said, “one world government is already happening sweety, these things are thirty years old.”

She didn’t know who R.C. Christian was.  She didn’t think it was Ted Turner.  She didn’t seem to want to talk to me anymore, which coincidentally happens all the time when I talk about politics and religion.

The last thing I had wanted was to creep a couple old people out.  I thanked them for talking to me and politely left.  I came off like a leftist right wing weirdo, if that’s even possible.

They told me they thought Herman Cain was going to be the next president, if they really are part of a secret society that is ruling Western Culture, then we’re in for a weird couple of years. 

(Written before all those nice white blonde ladies came forward with all those dirty allegations.)

I laid down in the grass in front of the stones and took in the atmosphere.  It was a beautiful Georgia day.  The area surrounding the monument was peaceful and lush with plants and trees.

 I felt calm and closer with nature.  I began to imagine a world with no currency, and jealousy and constant competition to be richer, smarter, sexier body.

A world without having to pay the state for your vehicle sticker, or have to listen to idiots constantly stating their opinions as fact.

I thought of a quieter world, without the billions of demagogues and special interests, and people telling us how to think and live…

then I thought,

Maybe these illuminati people know what they’re talking about.

Please message or email me any and all answers or experiences you’ve had or opinions of the Georgia Guidestones.  I’m really just a truth seeker like you.

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