ACT I

It’s the future on the newly renamed Planet Apple, in the Nation of TwitFace, where the surveillance of Youtube and where everyone prays to Google.  Day long sessions of Social Media are mandatory and moderated.  Each member must provide the most clever statements in hopes of gaining followers.  Those that do not participate are sent to be alone forever on MySpace.

This is one eventful Social Media Session where one boy, Mac, attempts an escape.

The Moderator

Taylor

Morgan

Jeremy

Kara

Andrew

The cast generally stands in spaced out semi-circle with exception of the Moderator.  When speaking in Social Media, they’re fake and lifeless people saying things just to be heard.  When they break from that, noticeable emotions are used.

and so lets begin.  Thanks in advance to Twitter, Facebook, and Social Networking in general, because without you I’d be Alone Among Star Wars DVDs.

Also a thanks to the JPB Theater Company and their great actors for performing this.

Farrah

There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note that read, “Don’t Eat Me.”  Now there’s an empty plate and a note that says, “Don’t Tell me What to Do.”

MAC

Lol

Taylor

Plus One

Biff

I went to donate blood today but they said they didn’t want it in a sandwich bag, and it had to be mine.

ALANA

Z-O-M-G

FARRAH

Like

Taylor

My mother asked me if I was sexually active, and I said, “No, I just lie there.”

Biff

Plus One!

Alana

Like

Mac

What?  Do you mean that?

THE MODERATOR

User MAC, I’ve disabled comments for the day.  Pay attention to the Terms of Service!

Alana

War is never the answer. Unless the question is “What’s never the answer?”

FARRAH

Like

The Moderator very suddenly and (loudly and in a drawn out and prolonged fashion) dies.  No one reacts but MAC.

MAC

Oh my god, he’s dead.  The moderator is dead.  No one can enforce our user agreements.

TAYLOR

O-M-G.

BIFF

L-O-L

MAC

We’re free.  We can be human again.

TAYLOR

“I’m such a dirty, dirty girl” sounds a lot better than “Too lazy to shower.”

FARRAH

Like

Alana

Plus One

MAC

Wake Up!

the group are all blankly staring forward, Mac walks in between them, trying to shake them from there trance.

You guys are zombies, we can finally leave.

Wake Up!

He slaps ALANA across the face.

Alana

You’re the dead one.

they circle first slowly around the moderator’s body, gaining speed until they chase around the other social media members.  ALANA changes direction and tackles MAC to the floor.

Who the hell taught you that it’s okay to hit a woman?

she repeatedly slaps MAC uncontrollably until TAYLOR yells

TAYLOR

Stop!

FARRAH

OMG

BIFF

Dislike

Mac runs over to Taylor and leaves ALANA on the floor.

FARRAH

How long do I have to be ignorant before I start experiencing bliss?

BIFF

Plus One

MAC

I adore you.  I can finally say it, with every part of my body and soul, I adore the ground you walk upon.

TAYLOR

OMG

MAC

Your hips and your eyes, and the way you moan when I…

BIFF

Dislike.

TAYLOR

Mac, you can’t say these things.  Youtube could be anywhere, and if they hear you, you’ll certainly be sent to…

ALANA

That which cannot be named.

MAC

I’m not afraid of going to..  MySpace…

TAYLOR, AlANA, BIFF, and FARRAH

No!!!!! YOU SAID THE FORBIDDEN WORD!  Isolation.  Isolation.

MAC

Taylor, look at me.  Feel the warmth of my hands, be human again with me.

BIFF

If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say, “Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot”, you are wasting everybody’s time.

FARRAH

Like

TAYLOR

I feel it too, Mac…

ALANA

I suspect the number 200 sometimes impersonates the word ZOO.

FARRAH

Like

MAC

Stop it!  Everybody just stop it!

ALANA

breaking from her monotonous comedic remarks

When they throw you to “you know where,” I swear to Google that I won’t do a damn thing.

MAC

Our bodies are flesh and bone.

TAYLOR

and what a bone.

FARRAH

Like

ALANA

Gross.

FARRAH

First time I ever saw a dry-erase board I said “that’s remarkable.”

BIFF

Like

TAYLOR

Will you two just quit it. Nobody is listening anymore.

FARRAH

jumps out of her trance and is outraged

Google is listening!  Google is always listening. 

MAC

Riiiiight.  He’s sees you when you’re sleeping he knows when you’re awake.

FARRAH

Don’t mock my Google.  And besides, it’s obvious that a cosmic entity with all the answers is most certainly a female. 

The moderator is dead, we must follow the Terms of Service protocol.  Go!

ALANA

The moderator can kill two stones with one bird.

BIFF

The moderator doesn’t mow his lawn, he stands outside and dares it to grow.

FARRAH

The moderator can slam a revolving door.

MAC

The moderator is a royal douchebag who helps TwitFace-Plus trap 90 percent of the population on Planet Apple.  I for one, will no longer be a prisoner in the isolation.

TAYLOR

and together we’ll have twenty little children.

MAC

Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

FARRAH

Isolation, in what?  In our social networking?

BIFF

What do we want? TIME TRAVEL! When do we want it? THAT’S IRRELEVANT!

MAC

It’s all over.  The hidden message board had fortold the death of the moderator.  Among… other… things…  Changes.  Going back to the way it was. 

We’ll be free again.

FARRAH

The forbidden message board!  Got you weirdo!

TAYLOR, ALANA, BIFF, AND FARRAH

We are not to speak of or post on any forbidden message boards.

FARRAH

I knew you were one of those creepers and pedophiles trolling the late night rooms for adult themes.  Get him!

Biff tackles MAC and a melee ensues.  Lights flash and smoke fills the stage,  All of the cast turn on MAC and strap him into a chair.  They stand behind him.  The moderator then slowly gets up and while laughing stands in front of MAC.

MAC

Oh my Google, you were dead, you are dead.  No!

THE MODERATOR

User Mac 221, Youtube had been surveiling you for the good part of 3 Twitter trending periods.  Power user Farrah devised a plot to catch you.  She’ll be rewarded 5k followers for her efforts.

MAC

But Taylor…

TAYLOR

One time I was checking out this really hot guy and he paid me for it because I was a grocery store cashier.

MAC

And twenty kids?

TAYLOR

I wish I wouldn’t have to raise my kids in an era where mediocrity was celebrated.

THE MODERATOR

The Internet is not a priviledge User Mac.  It’s a duty, and it’s your duty to make funny status messages and tweets so more and more people follow you.

MAC

I don’t want to be clever, if everyone’s cleverly the same, we might as well be one person.

THE MODERATOR

And with one mind we can finally reach our potential as a planet, Mac.

ALANA

Drug dealing is a great occupation because if it doesn’t work out, you can always tutor children in fractions.

BIFF

Like

MAC

I would’ve laughed at that.  But it’s not funny to me anymore.  I’m alone, I’m alone among friends, all day every day.  How do you expect us to live like this?

BIFF

Before Facebook, I had told maybe six people “Happy Birthday,” ever.

THE MODERATOR

The next train in the server will be to MySpace.  May Google have mercy on your soul.

MAC walks slowly and dejected across the stage, he turns back.  Taylor runs up to him.  They stare into each others eyes for a moment.

MAC

i never dreamed that little pictures on a screen would feel like friends… yet here i am.